I am a really laid back person. I get along with everyone. I don't have fights with my friends, I don't squabble with my room mates, and by God, I'm a nice person. Probably too nice. I'm very giving. I like to be helpful. In my life I have known many people who have seen that generous nature and taken full advantage of it. It happens alot. I'm too nice. I'm a freakin human doormat is what I am. But I'm tired of it, you know. I'm tired. So now is my time to stand up and say, no. No, Madam, I will not do your job for you while you take all the credit and talk shit about me behind my back. I have work to do too, you know. I am a very busy person. Running this school takes hours and hours of planning and preparation. There simply not enough hours in the day for me to do my job, and be your personal slave too. So get over yourself. Get off your lazy, lying ass and do it yourself! While you are at it. Quit coming over here, eating my food, running up our phone bill and taking up the computers during school hours. You are, hands down, the most inconsiderate person I know. I've tried, Lord knows I've tried to be nice to you, to ignore your rudenss, your backstabbing and you lies, to work together for the sake of the cause. But I don't even think you really believe in the cause. I think the only cause you believe in is your cause, the youcause. Poor poor you. Get over yourself. You and your lying daughter both. Someday, the world will see you both for who you really are, and I hope you get back every ounce of suffering you have ever put off on anyone else.
So kindly, F*ck off, jerks!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Huffing
I caught two of my students huffing paint today. I kept smelling fumes. I thought at first they must be painting at the construction site next door. For several days this went on. Each time I would get up and check on the kids, but they all seemed innocently engaged in something legal, so I chalked it up to the construction site. Today, I caught them red handed.
I was shocked to say the least. I mean, you always think you've taught them better than that, that they are smarter than that, then they go and suprise you by doing something so stupid. I told them as much. I made them hand over their paraphenalia and come downstairs so Nikko could participate in the impending lecture.
I told them that their behavior both shocked and frightened me. Huffing kills hundreds of teens every year in the United States, no telling how many in Mexico as I doubt that sort of thing gets recorded. I told them about how limiting oxygen to the brain can leave you with irreversable brain damage. I told them I didn't want to lose them, and that this had to stop.
I asked them why they did it? Were they bored (I could certainly find them something to do) Were they seeking a high? (Because a good run, or excercise of any kind will give them a high without the negative side effects) Or were they trying to escape reality somehow? I harped on this point a little bit. If something was bothering them, or hurting them, getting high wasn't going to make it go away. The high fades, the pain returns. It would do them both better to talk about whats going on. I care, I'm here to listen. Talking about things heals the wounds. Huffing isn't going to solve anything, it will just make things worse. I couldn't think of any other reasons why they might do such a thing, as I am not a teenage boy and therefore, don't think like one. This is something I had no desire to do when I was a kid so I really have no idea where this stuff comes from.
After our talk, they both looked ashamed and embarrassed, sorry that they got caught, not sorry that they did it. One of them was still denying actually doing the huffing while a ring of yellow paint still clung to his lips. I was at a loss. I let them go as it was time for class to begin. They both took off, and didn't attend afternoon classes.
I'm fresh out of ideas on how to cope with these kids sometimes. They get plenty of drug education. They know the dangers. For some reason, I can't convince them, that bad things can, in fact, happen to them. They all think they have some kind of super hero strength, they think they will live forever. How can I speak to them in a language they can understand and relate to?
So what are my options? Go talk to their parents? I hate doing that because they both have single working mothers, who are already doing the best that they can, and have admitted to me openly that they can't control their boys. I also don't want the boys to lose the confindence the boys have in me. I want them to come and talk to me when they are upset (Instead of doing something stupid and dangerous like huffing). But they can't think I'm going to go to their parents over every little thing. We made that mistake last semester. It did absolutely no good to talk to parents about behavior problems at school. I could suspend them, but really what purpose would that serve? At least if they are in class they are engaged in something positive and not on the street with nothing better to do than experiement with drugs. I feel really strongly that I need to address the underlying problem but I don't know what it is!
The boys did come back to the school about an hour ago and talk to me. They wanted to know if they were trouble, I told them they weren't. I was just worried about their wellbeing. They both assured me it would never happen again. That they wanted to stay in school and do something with their lives. They didn't want to disapoint themselves, their families or me. They both appologized and we hugged on it. I guess I can only hope they mean what they say.
Sometimes I think kids do things, just to see if anyone cares?
I was shocked to say the least. I mean, you always think you've taught them better than that, that they are smarter than that, then they go and suprise you by doing something so stupid. I told them as much. I made them hand over their paraphenalia and come downstairs so Nikko could participate in the impending lecture.
I told them that their behavior both shocked and frightened me. Huffing kills hundreds of teens every year in the United States, no telling how many in Mexico as I doubt that sort of thing gets recorded. I told them about how limiting oxygen to the brain can leave you with irreversable brain damage. I told them I didn't want to lose them, and that this had to stop.
I asked them why they did it? Were they bored (I could certainly find them something to do) Were they seeking a high? (Because a good run, or excercise of any kind will give them a high without the negative side effects) Or were they trying to escape reality somehow? I harped on this point a little bit. If something was bothering them, or hurting them, getting high wasn't going to make it go away. The high fades, the pain returns. It would do them both better to talk about whats going on. I care, I'm here to listen. Talking about things heals the wounds. Huffing isn't going to solve anything, it will just make things worse. I couldn't think of any other reasons why they might do such a thing, as I am not a teenage boy and therefore, don't think like one. This is something I had no desire to do when I was a kid so I really have no idea where this stuff comes from.
After our talk, they both looked ashamed and embarrassed, sorry that they got caught, not sorry that they did it. One of them was still denying actually doing the huffing while a ring of yellow paint still clung to his lips. I was at a loss. I let them go as it was time for class to begin. They both took off, and didn't attend afternoon classes.
I'm fresh out of ideas on how to cope with these kids sometimes. They get plenty of drug education. They know the dangers. For some reason, I can't convince them, that bad things can, in fact, happen to them. They all think they have some kind of super hero strength, they think they will live forever. How can I speak to them in a language they can understand and relate to?
So what are my options? Go talk to their parents? I hate doing that because they both have single working mothers, who are already doing the best that they can, and have admitted to me openly that they can't control their boys. I also don't want the boys to lose the confindence the boys have in me. I want them to come and talk to me when they are upset (Instead of doing something stupid and dangerous like huffing). But they can't think I'm going to go to their parents over every little thing. We made that mistake last semester. It did absolutely no good to talk to parents about behavior problems at school. I could suspend them, but really what purpose would that serve? At least if they are in class they are engaged in something positive and not on the street with nothing better to do than experiement with drugs. I feel really strongly that I need to address the underlying problem but I don't know what it is!
The boys did come back to the school about an hour ago and talk to me. They wanted to know if they were trouble, I told them they weren't. I was just worried about their wellbeing. They both assured me it would never happen again. That they wanted to stay in school and do something with their lives. They didn't want to disapoint themselves, their families or me. They both appologized and we hugged on it. I guess I can only hope they mean what they say.
Sometimes I think kids do things, just to see if anyone cares?
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Rachael and Moxie the Intrepid Trail Mutt tackle the mountain trails of Mazamitla!
Moxie and took a long walk today. We got adventurous, veering off our usual route to explore some new trails! Enjoy the pics!
The trail head
Some of the most beautiful country you will ever see!
Moxie is ready to go!
Silly girl!
More trail
Pines as far as the eye can see!
Up up up we go!
Moxie the intrepid trail mutt waits for her slow human to catch up
Finally, we reach the top!
The view is breathtaking!
I'm laying on my belly in a foot of itchy pine needles on teh downside of the mountain for these shots.
Heading back down
Saw some beautiful flowers
Moxie stops to check her "map"
"We should go this way!"
Moxie gets the zoomies!
Back to the main road
In other news, lots of exciting things happening at the school. We are developing an expansion plan to include more communities. We've put up an add for teachers. I hope we get some good ones!
The trail head
Some of the most beautiful country you will ever see!
Moxie is ready to go!
Silly girl!
More trail
Pines as far as the eye can see!
Up up up we go!
Moxie the intrepid trail mutt waits for her slow human to catch up
Finally, we reach the top!
The view is breathtaking!
I'm laying on my belly in a foot of itchy pine needles on teh downside of the mountain for these shots.
Heading back down
Saw some beautiful flowers
Moxie stops to check her "map"
"We should go this way!"
Moxie gets the zoomies!
Back to the main road
In other news, lots of exciting things happening at the school. We are developing an expansion plan to include more communities. We've put up an add for teachers. I hope we get some good ones!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Taking the Long Way Around
I don't normally post lyrics, but I so closely identify with this song that I had to share it. It's off the Dixie chicks new grammy award winning album, "Taking the Long Way" The whole album is fantastic by the way. I highly recommend!
Taking the Long Way Around - Dixie Chicks
My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel
I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow
By taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to
No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now
But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
The long
The long way around
Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the Long Way Around - Dixie Chicks
My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel
I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow
By taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to
No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now
But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
The long
The long way around
Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
I'm back
Well I decided to just pull my head out of the sand, roll over and piss like the good little submissive that I am, take another beating that I don't deserve, and just move on.
I chose this life. I need to live it, and live with it. It means I can't have a life outside of my "professional" life, so be it. I don't care anymore.
Meanwhile. I'm back in Mexico, back to the grind. I have lots to do which is good. I may be getting rid of a fly in the ointment which is even better. It will be good to be back to something closer to the equivilent of normal for me.
And at least I will always have animals to fall back on.
Moxie is thrilled to be home. She missed the kids. She spent all last night and today just going from one person to the next catching up on her lovins! She is such a joy. One bright spot in a sometimes dismal world.
This valentines day is perhaps the first one ever, that I am not pining away for a man for whatever reason. I made valentines from me and Mox for all the kids and the two teachers too. We had a little party, then went over to the DIF to serve a special lunch to the seniors in the community. They had a huge turn out, I bet there were 100 guests! We served Tamales and Atole. It seemed a big success. Everyone had a smile on their face. Even the kids seemed to enjoy it. So I don't have a boyfriend, and I'm not with the man that I love on Valentines day. I have so much love in my life, so many people to share it with, that it just doesn't matter. I sent valentines to James and gave Mom hers before I left. Mom left one for me in my backpack. Moxie thinks every day is valentines day, and the kids all made me homemade valentines and gave them to me this morning. So sweet. I missed them as much as Moxie did.
Well, Hi ho, hi ho.....
I chose this life. I need to live it, and live with it. It means I can't have a life outside of my "professional" life, so be it. I don't care anymore.
Meanwhile. I'm back in Mexico, back to the grind. I have lots to do which is good. I may be getting rid of a fly in the ointment which is even better. It will be good to be back to something closer to the equivilent of normal for me.
And at least I will always have animals to fall back on.
Moxie is thrilled to be home. She missed the kids. She spent all last night and today just going from one person to the next catching up on her lovins! She is such a joy. One bright spot in a sometimes dismal world.
This valentines day is perhaps the first one ever, that I am not pining away for a man for whatever reason. I made valentines from me and Mox for all the kids and the two teachers too. We had a little party, then went over to the DIF to serve a special lunch to the seniors in the community. They had a huge turn out, I bet there were 100 guests! We served Tamales and Atole. It seemed a big success. Everyone had a smile on their face. Even the kids seemed to enjoy it. So I don't have a boyfriend, and I'm not with the man that I love on Valentines day. I have so much love in my life, so many people to share it with, that it just doesn't matter. I sent valentines to James and gave Mom hers before I left. Mom left one for me in my backpack. Moxie thinks every day is valentines day, and the kids all made me homemade valentines and gave them to me this morning. So sweet. I missed them as much as Moxie did.
Well, Hi ho, hi ho.....
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Seeking position as a pooper scooper
No, really. I just want a nice quiet job where I can work with animals and shovel their crap all day, because I'm tired of shoveling human shit.
I want out of the people business for a while.
So seriously, any of my doggy community friends, if there is a kennel, or a day care or something that is hiring, let me know. College degree be damned. Give me a muck bucket and minimum wage and leave me to the animals. At least there I'll be respected.
I want out of the people business for a while.
So seriously, any of my doggy community friends, if there is a kennel, or a day care or something that is hiring, let me know. College degree be damned. Give me a muck bucket and minimum wage and leave me to the animals. At least there I'll be respected.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Post from Moxie
Visit Moxie's Dogster Blog for her latest diary entry. She has become quite the little typist.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Just to set the record straight.
Just who do you think you are dealing with here?
I am a determined person. I work hard. I try to always do the right thing. When given the choice, I always take the high road. I care about people. I hurt when they are hurting. I work to make it better. I do my part to incite change. I'm a kind person. I put others before myself. I won't give up because things aren't going my way. I believe there cannot be change without sacrifice. I give more than lip service to my beliefs. I love and I love deeply. When the going gets tough, I get tougher. I never turn my back on my family, or my friends. I will always be there, when I am needed. I believe in a brighter future for our world, and our children. I will not close my eyes in the face of injustice. I will not walk away from a fight, just because I cannot win. If it is right, if it is just, it is my battle to the end, win or lose. I bend but I won't break. I won't compromise if it means settling for anything less than the right thing. I don't trust you just because you shook my hand. My trust must be earned. My respect is automatic, but can be lost.
I get tired. I have feelings, and I hurt sometimes. I have scars so deep I don't know where they begin or if they end. I have issues, we all do. I'm working on mine, how about you? I am lonely much of the time. I can't stand bullshiters and backstabers. I don't have time for fair weather friendships. I will not be your doormat. I will not give, when I cannot also take. Not anymore. I don't make promises that I don't intend to keep. There is no such thing as a small promise. I don't go out much, I don't like crowds. I don't waste my time on liars, cheaters and thugs. I will not be intimidated, or taken for a fool. I don't think there is any room in this world for hatred. I pledge to keep my mind open, but my heart guarded.
I am not a pretty face, an easy lay, a free ride, a target, a prize, a piece of flesh. I am a person, a good person. I have dreams, emotions, desires. I'm not a genius but I'm pretty smart. I like to laugh. Sometimes you even catch me humming a little tune, or dancing a step or two. I have my ups and downs, my highs and lows. I love teaching. It thrills me to help others learn about the world. I love Mexico, mountains, long walks and puppy dogs. I am a human being, and I have a right to be alive. I have a right to my dignity. You should respect me automatically, as a fellow human being. My life is mine to live. I live it with purpose. I have my share of shame, let me have my pride too. I don't believe it's my place to judge you, nor is it your place to judge me. You are entitled to your opinion, but don't expect it to affect how I live my life.
I am not going to bend over and take it anymore. I will stand and fight. I will fight with everything I have.
I am a determined person. I work hard. I try to always do the right thing. When given the choice, I always take the high road. I care about people. I hurt when they are hurting. I work to make it better. I do my part to incite change. I'm a kind person. I put others before myself. I won't give up because things aren't going my way. I believe there cannot be change without sacrifice. I give more than lip service to my beliefs. I love and I love deeply. When the going gets tough, I get tougher. I never turn my back on my family, or my friends. I will always be there, when I am needed. I believe in a brighter future for our world, and our children. I will not close my eyes in the face of injustice. I will not walk away from a fight, just because I cannot win. If it is right, if it is just, it is my battle to the end, win or lose. I bend but I won't break. I won't compromise if it means settling for anything less than the right thing. I don't trust you just because you shook my hand. My trust must be earned. My respect is automatic, but can be lost.
I get tired. I have feelings, and I hurt sometimes. I have scars so deep I don't know where they begin or if they end. I have issues, we all do. I'm working on mine, how about you? I am lonely much of the time. I can't stand bullshiters and backstabers. I don't have time for fair weather friendships. I will not be your doormat. I will not give, when I cannot also take. Not anymore. I don't make promises that I don't intend to keep. There is no such thing as a small promise. I don't go out much, I don't like crowds. I don't waste my time on liars, cheaters and thugs. I will not be intimidated, or taken for a fool. I don't think there is any room in this world for hatred. I pledge to keep my mind open, but my heart guarded.
I am not a pretty face, an easy lay, a free ride, a target, a prize, a piece of flesh. I am a person, a good person. I have dreams, emotions, desires. I'm not a genius but I'm pretty smart. I like to laugh. Sometimes you even catch me humming a little tune, or dancing a step or two. I have my ups and downs, my highs and lows. I love teaching. It thrills me to help others learn about the world. I love Mexico, mountains, long walks and puppy dogs. I am a human being, and I have a right to be alive. I have a right to my dignity. You should respect me automatically, as a fellow human being. My life is mine to live. I live it with purpose. I have my share of shame, let me have my pride too. I don't believe it's my place to judge you, nor is it your place to judge me. You are entitled to your opinion, but don't expect it to affect how I live my life.
I am not going to bend over and take it anymore. I will stand and fight. I will fight with everything I have.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
More Moxie
I promise, a real post is on the way, until then, feast your eyes on gorgeous Moxie.
Moxie if Dog of the Month for February on Ruffdogs! She's so proud of herself!
Moxie if Dog of the Month for February on Ruffdogs! She's so proud of herself!
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Moxie
Don't you just love her fuzzy little toes!
Crashed out after an afternoon of fetch at the park
Bless her she's so cute!
Mocha and Kobie, I can't seem to get a decent pic of these two.
Thurston is the most photogenic cat in the world, I'm convinced of it!
I love my kiddos!
Friday, January 26, 2007
Every Ruffdog has his day
Today is Ruffdogs Blog day. Ruffdogs is an online community of global dog lovers. This is the friendliest place on the internet. I spend at least one hour on ruffdogs every day, just chatting with friends, learning new things, bragging about my dog, and even shopping! Ruffdogs is my safe place, my little virtual haven where I can retreat each day for a little while and just relax with friends. Ruffdog members are of all races, ages and genders and hale from exotic places all over the world. Ruffdogs members are kind, friendly, knowlegable, supportive and helpful. I'm a member of several other forums, lists, bloggroups and sites but Ruffdogs, hands down, has the best people on the internet.
It also has the most extensive array of topics I've seen on any forum. Any given day, there are between 80 and 100 topics to read on Ruffdogs. From Health, to behavior to rescue, to dogs in the news and general dog chat, if it pertains to dogs, you can find it on ruffdogs. Beyond that, Ruffdogs even has a place where you can talk about your others pets (because how many of us just have dogs?) and a lounge area where you can talk about just about anything! Ruffdogs has an extensive rescue section, where numerous rescue groups from all over the world, post about their adotable dogs. Every month, Ruffdogs hold auctions to benefit one or more of these rescue groups. Ruffdogs members donate items, then bid on them online. Its really fun, and there is always some really neat stuff! Ruffdogs newest section, dedicated to BSL is fast becoming one of my favorites. Though I have to say, the photocontests are truly the best. I love looking at all the great pictures our members post of their beautiful pets.
Long story short, Ruffdogs is a fun, safe, family friendly place for dog lovers of all ages, creeds and colors. Go on over and say hello! You'll be glad you did!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Looking up
"If you don't like the outlook, try the uplook, it's always good." - unknown.
So I met with my boss/mentor/friend this morning and I'm feeling alot better about things. We talked about my frustrations and came to some conclusions. I'm so confident that this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life that it didn't take much to console me. Thats one problem down, anyway.
In other news, I am addicted to My Space I've only had an account for five days. I think this is some kind of record.
Today I just want to take all those people around me who are hurting and wrap them in a big warm hug, tell them they are loved, and they are worth something...maybe give them all cookies. I don't know. I just wish I could take their pain away and makes things right in the world. Sometimes it seems like the world is such a mess, that finding answers amidst the chaos is an impossible task. I must be careful not to get caught up in the myth of no effect. One person can make a difference.
Now about those cookies.....
So I met with my boss/mentor/friend this morning and I'm feeling alot better about things. We talked about my frustrations and came to some conclusions. I'm so confident that this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life that it didn't take much to console me. Thats one problem down, anyway.
In other news, I am addicted to My Space I've only had an account for five days. I think this is some kind of record.
Today I just want to take all those people around me who are hurting and wrap them in a big warm hug, tell them they are loved, and they are worth something...maybe give them all cookies. I don't know. I just wish I could take their pain away and makes things right in the world. Sometimes it seems like the world is such a mess, that finding answers amidst the chaos is an impossible task. I must be careful not to get caught up in the myth of no effect. One person can make a difference.
Now about those cookies.....
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
More tough decisions
I'm back in the states for a few days for a doctors appointment. The night before I left to come back, I ran into a few of my students in the streets. "Whatever you do, PLEASE come back!" she pleaded. I wouldn't dream of abandoning these kids, but hard times breed harder questions. I am living with a level of stress and poverty that are taking a bigger toll every day on my health, my family, and my future ability to continue with this work. Bottom line, I can't keep going like this. Something has to change and very very soon or I will be forced to make that decision, to be yet another person who walked out of their lives, leaving them empty handed.
I don't want to think it. Its hurts too bad, but I've got to face all eventualities. If things don't change, this is one of them. I talked with my Mom for a good long time tonight, and she made a valid point. For every child that throws their arms around me on the streets of Mazamitla, and begs me not to leave them, there are a hundred more someplace else in this world, that need me just as much. There is a school in Peru that "would give their right arm for someone like me" or so I'm told. But I don't want to think it.
I can't just walk away. I can't. My heart and soul belong to these kids on that mountain. Do I want to help elsewhere in the world, absolutely! But right now, it's these kids, these families and communities. I can't walk away and I can't keep living like this.
I don't know what to do. Why must my souls needs and my physical needs be at such odds? Why would God allow me to invest all of my heart and soul into a place and a people that I would only have to leave? So much doesn't make sense. It doens't feel right to leave, it doesn't sit well with any part of my being. There must be another answer. What is it?
****updated to say
Through the miracle of myspace I have a rare glimpse into the heart of the teenage soul. These kids have been through so much, they are hurting so deeply. I can't leave them, not for any reason.
A note to parents. I'm not a parent myself. I've never brought life into this world. I've never had the pressures of clothing and feeding and housing and educating a child. But I have been a child. I know the crushing pain of feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted by my parent. I see children, everyday, who feel the same way. So a word of advice to you. What your kids need from you, more than anything, is your time. Tell your kids you love them. Let them know you care. Get to know them, they are growing up, becoming fascinating, wonderful, inspiring individuals. They didn't ask to be born. Whatever stresses that have been brought into your life is not their fault. The way you treat your children affects them for the rest of their life. Where are your kids? What are they doing? How are they feeling? Find out, care, love them. Every child is a blessing from God. The parents of my students are so amazingly blessed, and they don't even KNOW IT!
I don't want to think it. Its hurts too bad, but I've got to face all eventualities. If things don't change, this is one of them. I talked with my Mom for a good long time tonight, and she made a valid point. For every child that throws their arms around me on the streets of Mazamitla, and begs me not to leave them, there are a hundred more someplace else in this world, that need me just as much. There is a school in Peru that "would give their right arm for someone like me" or so I'm told. But I don't want to think it.
I can't just walk away. I can't. My heart and soul belong to these kids on that mountain. Do I want to help elsewhere in the world, absolutely! But right now, it's these kids, these families and communities. I can't walk away and I can't keep living like this.
I don't know what to do. Why must my souls needs and my physical needs be at such odds? Why would God allow me to invest all of my heart and soul into a place and a people that I would only have to leave? So much doesn't make sense. It doens't feel right to leave, it doesn't sit well with any part of my being. There must be another answer. What is it?
****updated to say
Through the miracle of myspace I have a rare glimpse into the heart of the teenage soul. These kids have been through so much, they are hurting so deeply. I can't leave them, not for any reason.
A note to parents. I'm not a parent myself. I've never brought life into this world. I've never had the pressures of clothing and feeding and housing and educating a child. But I have been a child. I know the crushing pain of feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted by my parent. I see children, everyday, who feel the same way. So a word of advice to you. What your kids need from you, more than anything, is your time. Tell your kids you love them. Let them know you care. Get to know them, they are growing up, becoming fascinating, wonderful, inspiring individuals. They didn't ask to be born. Whatever stresses that have been brought into your life is not their fault. The way you treat your children affects them for the rest of their life. Where are your kids? What are they doing? How are they feeling? Find out, care, love them. Every child is a blessing from God. The parents of my students are so amazingly blessed, and they don't even KNOW IT!
Friday, January 19, 2007
Friday Night in Mazamitla
Well the first week back after winter break was wonderful. It's amazing how much I missed this place and the kids, they're just amazing.
We are fortunate to have three visiting teachers here on loan from our site in Zacatecas for a couple of weeks. Anne and Nadja are Social Work students from the University of Basel, Switzerland. They are teaching our students intensive German. The kids LOVE it! They are just eating up knowing a third language. The classes are two hours long, but the students are just glued to their seats, soaking up every drop of the German tongue. Jeremy, is a UNT Alum in international studies and Economics, and he is teaching our kids Economics. It's AWESOME because they need this credit to graduate and now they get to learn from the expert. Also, Jeremy's focus is on Eco-Economics, which is right in line with the "green theme" our school is developing. He took the class to the park today and we drew Supply/Demand graphs in the dirt with sticks. These kids are so smart, they are picking up on this stuff really fast. I am daily amazed by their progress and their level of understanding. Think about it, these kids are being taught a third language, in their second language that they are still learning. They just eat it up. Its motivating as a teacher to see the kind of thirst for knowlege these students have. They learn with zeal, asking questions, testing the bounds of their new found knowlege, ever eager to know more, more more about the world they live in!
We are also bless with two additional teachers who will be with us all semester. Niko from New Jersey, was just looking for some meaning, and a way to make a difference in the world. Niko is a really cool guy, the best way I guess I could describe him is "on fire". I think I'm lucky to know this guy, he is going to do alot of good in this world. The other is a Social Work Graduate student from UT Austin doing her final practicum placement here at our Mazamitla site. She will be working mostly with our sustainable development programs, but being a native of Monterrey, she has agreed to teach Mexican History and Spanish literature for us this semester. I am very excited about these two. They are going to make a huge impact on this community.
Moxie came with us to the park for Economics today. She trampled on our line graph when Jeremy stood up with the stick he was drawing with and started gesturing with it. I think she thought he was going to throw it for her. It was funny, but I guess you had to be there. The kids played with her for over an hour. I think she's a little tired, she's been crashed out on the bed since we got home.
Well, happy weekend to you all.
We are fortunate to have three visiting teachers here on loan from our site in Zacatecas for a couple of weeks. Anne and Nadja are Social Work students from the University of Basel, Switzerland. They are teaching our students intensive German. The kids LOVE it! They are just eating up knowing a third language. The classes are two hours long, but the students are just glued to their seats, soaking up every drop of the German tongue. Jeremy, is a UNT Alum in international studies and Economics, and he is teaching our kids Economics. It's AWESOME because they need this credit to graduate and now they get to learn from the expert. Also, Jeremy's focus is on Eco-Economics, which is right in line with the "green theme" our school is developing. He took the class to the park today and we drew Supply/Demand graphs in the dirt with sticks. These kids are so smart, they are picking up on this stuff really fast. I am daily amazed by their progress and their level of understanding. Think about it, these kids are being taught a third language, in their second language that they are still learning. They just eat it up. Its motivating as a teacher to see the kind of thirst for knowlege these students have. They learn with zeal, asking questions, testing the bounds of their new found knowlege, ever eager to know more, more more about the world they live in!
We are also bless with two additional teachers who will be with us all semester. Niko from New Jersey, was just looking for some meaning, and a way to make a difference in the world. Niko is a really cool guy, the best way I guess I could describe him is "on fire". I think I'm lucky to know this guy, he is going to do alot of good in this world. The other is a Social Work Graduate student from UT Austin doing her final practicum placement here at our Mazamitla site. She will be working mostly with our sustainable development programs, but being a native of Monterrey, she has agreed to teach Mexican History and Spanish literature for us this semester. I am very excited about these two. They are going to make a huge impact on this community.
Moxie came with us to the park for Economics today. She trampled on our line graph when Jeremy stood up with the stick he was drawing with and started gesturing with it. I think she thought he was going to throw it for her. It was funny, but I guess you had to be there. The kids played with her for over an hour. I think she's a little tired, she's been crashed out on the bed since we got home.
Well, happy weekend to you all.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
An odd walk
Moxie and I took our ususal walk along our usual wooded path today when we encountered something unusual.
A burro.
All by its self wandering loose on the road. She approached us ears pricked and stopped right in front of me letting me pet and stroke her. She wasn't wearing a pack or a rope or anything. Lots of farmland nearby but I had never seen her before, just cows and the odd horse.
Hmm, I thought. Nice burro. I petted her for a minute then started off on my walk again.
She followed me. Right behind me. If I stopped suddenly she would bump into me. This continued for a bit. I kept my eye out for farmers or open gates or anything but had no idea where this girl came from.
So I thought, what the heck. I wouldn't mind a nice ride through the woods this after noon. But as I walked with her to a stump where I could mount up, I noticed that she was lame on her front leg. Her hooves were badly damaged and her knees knocked into each other when she walked. One of them was obviously painful to her, she would hold it when we stopped. She stood quietly while I picked up each of her feet and examined each leg. Asside from the swelling, I couldn't find anything wrong.
But she was clearly in pain...and clearly belonged to somebody. She was so sweet. And she had none of the saddle sores and abraded area on her back or legs or neck to show that she was actively being used as a beast of burden. (So many of the burros I see down here look just pitiful.) She was a lush chodolate brown with a velvety soft cream colored muzzle and big rich black eyes, and long inquisitive ears. She was so lovely. I would have taken her home with me in an instant but for the impossible task of loading a burro into the back seat of my Saturn ion.
So I sat on a log and watched her graze for a while. Not a sould passed by. Moxie whined, "could we get on with our walk already mom! I mean if you won't let me chase it, what good is that donkey anyway!" So off we went.
We passed by her again on our way and she looked up from her patch of clover and seemed to wave at us as we passed. All in all, it was a strange encounter. Perhaps tomorrow, we will go back up on the mountain and find it was all just a dream. Or maybe, she was there to tell me something.
I think that God speaks to us in different ways. More than once I belive he has sent me an animal messenger. But what was this burros message for me?
I've thought about for a long time, and I think, maybe she was trying to tell me that its okay sometimes, to be lame, to be hurt, to allow others to walk on their own, rather than carry them as you always do. Even a beast of burden deserves a day spent in the cool of a shade tree in a patch of clover.
A burro.
All by its self wandering loose on the road. She approached us ears pricked and stopped right in front of me letting me pet and stroke her. She wasn't wearing a pack or a rope or anything. Lots of farmland nearby but I had never seen her before, just cows and the odd horse.
Hmm, I thought. Nice burro. I petted her for a minute then started off on my walk again.
She followed me. Right behind me. If I stopped suddenly she would bump into me. This continued for a bit. I kept my eye out for farmers or open gates or anything but had no idea where this girl came from.
So I thought, what the heck. I wouldn't mind a nice ride through the woods this after noon. But as I walked with her to a stump where I could mount up, I noticed that she was lame on her front leg. Her hooves were badly damaged and her knees knocked into each other when she walked. One of them was obviously painful to her, she would hold it when we stopped. She stood quietly while I picked up each of her feet and examined each leg. Asside from the swelling, I couldn't find anything wrong.
But she was clearly in pain...and clearly belonged to somebody. She was so sweet. And she had none of the saddle sores and abraded area on her back or legs or neck to show that she was actively being used as a beast of burden. (So many of the burros I see down here look just pitiful.) She was a lush chodolate brown with a velvety soft cream colored muzzle and big rich black eyes, and long inquisitive ears. She was so lovely. I would have taken her home with me in an instant but for the impossible task of loading a burro into the back seat of my Saturn ion.
So I sat on a log and watched her graze for a while. Not a sould passed by. Moxie whined, "could we get on with our walk already mom! I mean if you won't let me chase it, what good is that donkey anyway!" So off we went.
We passed by her again on our way and she looked up from her patch of clover and seemed to wave at us as we passed. All in all, it was a strange encounter. Perhaps tomorrow, we will go back up on the mountain and find it was all just a dream. Or maybe, she was there to tell me something.
I think that God speaks to us in different ways. More than once I belive he has sent me an animal messenger. But what was this burros message for me?
I've thought about for a long time, and I think, maybe she was trying to tell me that its okay sometimes, to be lame, to be hurt, to allow others to walk on their own, rather than carry them as you always do. Even a beast of burden deserves a day spent in the cool of a shade tree in a patch of clover.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Congratulations
May I be the first to blog my congratulations to Jamie and Wade on their recent engagement. It really couldn't have happened to a nicer couple. I wish you nothing but love, happyiness and success all the rest of your lives together. (A diamond ring beats a Golden Retriever puppy any day!) Jamie has been a dear friend for many years and I have known her through several boyfriends, and believe me when I say that Jamie and Wade are a match made in heaven!
While I'm sending out congratulations, let me add a few that I have missed in my abscence from the real world.
Congratulations to Marie and Kyle on their engagement! I promise to be there for the wedding. I wish you both all the happiness!
Congratulations Sarah and Kevin on your marriage! I'm sorry I missed the grand event. If I had it to do again, I wouldn't. I wish you both the very best in your lives together.
Congratulations Kim and John(I think) on your marriage! I am sorry too, to have missed your big day. I hope to see you soon and catch up. I still have your wedding gift all wrapped up and ready to give to you. I hope for happiness and peace in your lives (and a cat-pee free sofa)
Congratulations to Brandie and Matt on the birth of their first child, Joseph. He is the most amazing little child I have ever seen. He is also the luckiest, he has the best parents he could ever hope for. Love to all three of you.
I'm so happy that the people in my life have found so much joy!
While I'm sending out congratulations, let me add a few that I have missed in my abscence from the real world.
Congratulations to Marie and Kyle on their engagement! I promise to be there for the wedding. I wish you both all the happiness!
Congratulations Sarah and Kevin on your marriage! I'm sorry I missed the grand event. If I had it to do again, I wouldn't. I wish you both the very best in your lives together.
Congratulations Kim and John(I think) on your marriage! I am sorry too, to have missed your big day. I hope to see you soon and catch up. I still have your wedding gift all wrapped up and ready to give to you. I hope for happiness and peace in your lives (and a cat-pee free sofa)
Congratulations to Brandie and Matt on the birth of their first child, Joseph. He is the most amazing little child I have ever seen. He is also the luckiest, he has the best parents he could ever hope for. Love to all three of you.
I'm so happy that the people in my life have found so much joy!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Future Without Poverty - Poverty Has No Borders (English)
So it's been a rough couple of days. I've been pretty stressed out, overwhelmed and depressed. Even being back in Mazamitla has done little to lift my spirits. I was feeling pretty worthless, until, someone asked me, "what are you doing in Mexico?"
I went to our website to find a video link. I sat and watched this video five or six time and just cried and thanked God for bringing me here to do this work. Its not hopeless. Its a big job, but it can be done. One person CAN make a difference.
So it's been a rough couple of days. I've been pretty stressed out, overwhelmed and depressed. Even being back in Mazamitla has done little to lift my spirits. I was feeling pretty worthless, until, someone asked me, "what are you doing in Mexico?"
I went to our website to find a video link. I sat and watched this video five or six time and just cried and thanked God for bringing me here to do this work. Its not hopeless. Its a big job, but it can be done. One person CAN make a difference.
Monday, January 15, 2007
I don't like people who don't like dogs
I don't understand people who look at animals like, "ew, gross" These are not people I want to spend time with, but I don't have a choice. Hopefully they won't look at the poor people I work with and think, "ew, gross". One can only hope.
You know what else I don't understand. Drama. Human drama, the kind created by people who obviously have nothing better to do with their time that go around telling lies and starting rumors and spreading hatred. People like that are simple minded and a drain on society. Why don't you go do something productive, eh? Let someone who actually cares about others, do her job and make a difference in the world.
I'm having a bad day, can you tell?
You know what else I don't understand. Drama. Human drama, the kind created by people who obviously have nothing better to do with their time that go around telling lies and starting rumors and spreading hatred. People like that are simple minded and a drain on society. Why don't you go do something productive, eh? Let someone who actually cares about others, do her job and make a difference in the world.
I'm having a bad day, can you tell?
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Post from Moxie
I caught Moxie on the computer and found this post in her Dogster diary. I thought it was cute.
"So Mom wrote all about her new years resolutions in her blog, so I thought I would make some resolutions and write about them here.
This year, I will not chase horses and I will stay off of balconies. I will swim in the lake and run with my friends every chance I get. I will fetch my tennis balls and squeak my toys with joy. I will go outside and go potty when mommy says, even if it's raining. I will love my humans with all the love in my little puppy heart. I will give kisses when they are sad, and I will play with them when they are happy. I will never let food go to waste. I will act as both referee and keeper of the rule book for the cats. I will nap in the sunshine, and I won't be scared of thunderstorms. I will live every day to the fullest.
You know, I don't know why you humans have to resolve to do things. With the exception of the not chasing horses part, I do all of those things everyday anyway. Its just part of being a dog."
I would do well to be more like my dog.
"So Mom wrote all about her new years resolutions in her blog, so I thought I would make some resolutions and write about them here.
This year, I will not chase horses and I will stay off of balconies. I will swim in the lake and run with my friends every chance I get. I will fetch my tennis balls and squeak my toys with joy. I will go outside and go potty when mommy says, even if it's raining. I will love my humans with all the love in my little puppy heart. I will give kisses when they are sad, and I will play with them when they are happy. I will never let food go to waste. I will act as both referee and keeper of the rule book for the cats. I will nap in the sunshine, and I won't be scared of thunderstorms. I will live every day to the fullest.
You know, I don't know why you humans have to resolve to do things. With the exception of the not chasing horses part, I do all of those things everyday anyway. Its just part of being a dog."
I would do well to be more like my dog.
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