Te Quiero

6/12/2006

I realized today that my heart is an active, living thing

My blood swooshes through it

The chambers churn the hot read fluid that thumps through my veins

Pinking my lips

Feeding my brain

It does not hold my blood like a lump of cold jello in my chest

I can feel it beating

If I am very still, I can hear it

I saw God in the clouds today

He smiled at me and said, “I sent you a sign”

Now I just have to find it

Some may say it was just smog, fog, a haze in the sky

Some might say it’s schitzophrenia

But is doesn’t matter

Because my heart swooshes and churns the blood

That thumps through my veins

I solved all the problems of the world once

As sunset, while I was drunk, and high on top of a mountain

Looking down on the clouds and the trees and the tiny farms below

And shivering from the cold

I can’t remember the answer now

I try, but it is just out my reach

Like a waking dream

It had something to do with mirrors

I should have written it down

Written it on my heart

Written it with blood

With the blood that thumps through my veins

I remembered that I was in love today

The memory shocked me to tears

Something had numbed me from the pain

The pain of loving him, too much

Something stilled my heart

Allowing my blood to congeal into a cold lump in my chest

Something almost saved me

Something almost killed me

It’s hard to say which

It was a song, a scent

It was a sign from God that woke my heart

My heart, that sleeps like a dead thing

The memory of love brought heat to my face and longing to my stomach

Choking sobs rose in my throat

And tears clouded my eyes

I saw God in those clouds

He told me he sent me a sign

And my heart began to beat again

Like an active, living thing

My blood swooshing and churning and thumping

Burning my lips, stirring my brain to a frenzy

I remembered I was in love

I realized that I was alive

I found out where it hurt

And I know, now, why first I died.

-River Flower